You do not have to be OK right away. If you have just gone through a divorce, you may feel the pressure to get your life back together as soon as possible. You may have friends or family members who have gone through the divorce process and not outwardly shown the emotions that you may be experiencing during your own divorce.
In the time it takes for a marriage to break down, the events that can transpire and the words that can be said can change the emotional tapestry of each significant point of the experience.
At some points, you may feel the relief of no longer being in an unhappy and dysfunctional relationship. Feeling this way is OK. Other times, you may miss your soon-to-be ex-spouse/ex-spouse. Feeling this way is OK.
No matter your feelings at the various points of this process, you need to honor them and do not hold yourself to anyone’s time table for how long you are allowed to grieve the loss of your marriage or express the relief of exiting something so broken.
Whether you are forced to fight for your assets or you have an amicable division of assets, you still will need the aid of an experienced family law attorney, who can help you navigate the ins and outs of the legal aspects of the divorce process.
When you are going through the challenges of these complex emotions, it is important to have someone fighting for your case. You cannot afford to be the only one focused on the ins and outs of the process, as you have many other matters to sort through.
Mental and emotional help
Because of the amount of changes and the emotions attached to the changes, it would benefit you to have someone to talk to during this difficult time. One of those you need in your support system may be a mental health professional, licensed and capable of helping you deal with the challenging emotional tapestry associated with the end of your marriage.
As much as you may not want to seek help for something mentally or emotionally based, your health is too important to ignore. The notions of masculinity that have steered away from help-seeking are incapable of helping you in your post-divorce recovery. The toxicity of these notions have poisoned many a man, causing them to fall victim to depression, anxiety, and even suicide.
One of the more significant revelations you may discover during post-divorce therapy involves your very nature. The challenge for many men in today’s society involves understanding the truth of that very aspect of themselves and ending whatever fears and weaknesses that would prevent them from acting in accordance with that, according to Psychology Today.
By finding that essential nature of yourself through post-divorce therapy, you have the opportunity of being the best version of yourself that you can be. You can tear down those weaknesses and remove fear from the equation, while sorting through all of the mental and emotional baggage attached to the end of your marriage.
At your own pace
This may not happen right away. It may take days, weeks, months, or even years to fully unpack, and unpacking everything may not occur either. You do not have a timeline to adhere to, so try your best not to feel any pressure to move at the pace of others.
While you may hope to go through this process as quickly as possible, meet someone new, and begin a new life with a new significant other, there may be setbacks along the way, and that is OK. You are allowed to have bad days. You are allowed to miss your ex-spouse. You are allowed to miss the life that you once had.
You are attempting to move on from a commitment that was intended to last forever. You are allowed to have bad days. What you should not do is allow those bad days to outnumber the good by focusing on the negatives of the situation. In reality, you have a lot to look forward to in your post-divorce life.
You may fear looking forward. Many do, out of the fear of disrespecting their previous marriage. However, that is a habit based in a presently active marriage. Since the marriage is something of the past, you are not disrespecting your previous marriage. You are choosing to live in reality. You are choosing a better, healthier life for yourself at your own pace.
Dan Pearce is an Online Editor for Lexicon, focusing on subjects related to the legal services of customers, Cordell & Cordell and Cordell Planning Partners. He has written countless pieces on MensDivorce.com, detailing the plight of men and fathers going through the divorce experience, as well as the issues seniors and their families experience throughout the estate planning journey on ElderCareLaw.com. Mr. Pearce has managed websites and helped create content, such as the Men’s Divorce Newsletter and the YouTube series, “Men’s Divorce Countdown.” He also has been a contributor on both the Men’s Divorce Podcast and ElderTalk with TuckerAllen.
Mr. Pearce assisted in fostering a Cordell Planning Partners practice area specific for Veterans, as they deal with the intricacies of their benefits while planning for the future. He also helped create the Cordell Planning Partners Resource Guide and the Cordell Planning Partners Guide to Alternative Residence Options, specific for seniors with questions regarding their needs and living arrangements.