It starts with a tense discussion in public. You may find yourself having these more and more often with your spouse, and every time they happen, it leaves your mental state in a constant state of desperate panic.
You hear the whispers from other people, who do not know what you go through on a regular basis. They do not know what is going through your mind as you face constant beratement, making you feel less than human and unworthy of the love of another. They do not know what these types of moments, whether in person or within the confines of your own head, do to your self-worth, your self-esteem, or your mental state.
For many, this is the beginning of anxiety. This is a constant state of facing unease, worry, panic, nervousness, judgment, tenseness, or any other symptom that may manifest, as a direct result of the challenges taking place in your deeply damaged marriage.
These are moments not worth experiencing, and while it may seem that because you are married, you do not have any options, you do. You have the option to seek a better life for yourself. You have the option of not allowing the constant beratement to define your daily life. You have the option of avoiding the mental traps of anxiety and inaction and seeking a way out of an unhappy union.
This requires seeking help; both from a mental health perspective and a legal perspective. Luckily, family law attorneys are equipped with the resources to make recommendations for mental health professionals in your area best suited for your anxiety needs.
They also understand what men and fathers need most during the divorce experience. They understand some of the challenges that they may have faced during the course of their marriage and are ready to assist you in your quest to bettering your future.
Anxiety and questions
That may not come as easy as you assume, especially with how debilitating marriage and divorce-related anxiety can be. There are many moments during the process that may feel like “one step forward, two steps back,” according to The Huffington Post.
These types of moments and the amount of fear involved in the divorce experience can make many question whether or not living a life without the anxiety of a dysfunctional marriage is really worth it. They begin to think about their potentially financially-bleak future or how a divorce may potentially affect their children, and they wonder if it is all worth it.
The truth is very different than the conclusions anxiety may lead you to. The truth is that you cannot function in a career, nor be the active and loving parent that your children need, with a damaged marriage still hanging over your head and causing debilitating anxiety.
You need to have courage and take that scary step toward a future without the judgment of others, especially your soon-to-be ex-spouse. You have to do what is right for you and not worry about any of the stress that may come as a result.
The stress of the actual divorce process can exacerbate the anxiety, making the utilization of a mental health professional a necessity. Your health and wellness is too important not to involve someone trained to provide a judgment-free environment designed only to help you.
You need to take an active role in your therapy experience, and that starts with accepting help. Some look to solving every problem for themselves, but in order to stay engaged in the process, you need to remain humble and willing to sort through the mental and emotional issues you face, alongside a mental health professional.
You need to understand that your anxiety is unique to your experience, and just like any health-related issue, results take time. You cannot expect to go into your first therapy session and come out completely better. You need to work at it and build upon each session.
After the divorce is finalized, you still may feel anxious around your ex-spouse, and if you share children together, it may resurface periodically. However, you also have to understand that just as you love your children and wish to remain an active and engaged part of their lives, so does your ex-spouse. Accepting that fact will help you take steps to form a better co-parenting relationship than the dysfunctional dynamic that existed in your former marriage.
You need to take care of yourself and put yourself first. While you may have gone through the divorce experience and still may be in a recovery period, neither the act of getting a divorce nor any subsequent mental or emotional issues you may be facing define who you are. You get to decide that.
Dan Pearce is an Online Editor for Lexicon, focusing on subjects related to the legal services of customers, Cordell & Cordell and Cordell Planning Partners. He has written countless pieces on MensDivorce.com, detailing the plight of men and fathers going through the divorce experience, as well as the issues seniors and their families experience throughout the estate planning journey on ElderCareLaw.com. Mr. Pearce has managed websites and helped create content, such as the Men’s Divorce Newsletter and the YouTube series, “Men’s Divorce Countdown.” He also has been a contributor on both the Men’s Divorce Podcast and ElderTalk with TuckerAllen.
Mr. Pearce assisted in fostering a Cordell Planning Partners practice area specific for Veterans, as they deal with the intricacies of their benefits while planning for the future. He also helped create the Cordell Planning Partners Resource Guide and the Cordell Planning Partners Guide to Alternative Residence Options, specific for seniors with questions regarding their needs and living arrangements.
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