"Saying no to requests does not mean that you’re saying no to your children. It means that you think more of yourself than your ex-spouse does. You do not plan on using your mutual children to further your financial needs, and you won’t acknowledge your ex-spouse’s strategy to do the same."
When you are facing a broken marriage, there are many emotions that one has to utilize in order to reach a sound and responsible decision.
Given the uncertainty and fear that you might be feeling toward the prospect of a divorce, courage may be needed to ensure your future and make the best decision for yourself.
The act of leaving
During the act of divorcing your spouse, you may feel like you have not done enough to save your marriage. You may look to marriage counseling as a resource to help confront the issues that may exist, or you may consider a trial separation, if therapeutic measures are failing.
For many, it may feel like there’s a stone somewhere that has been left unturned, in a resource that has not been explored yet. The truth of matter can often be that you have explored every available resource to help get your marriage back on track, and you have to explore means outside of your marriage to get yourself back on track.
This means ending something that is no longer working for you, and as scary as it may be to do, it can be beneficial in the long run to act. Taking that first step in pursuing a divorce is a courageous move toward a healthier future.
In order to exhibit the courage necessary to make the tougher decisions in life, it may be beneficial to gain a better understanding of what courage is. According to Psychology Today, courage is a kind of strength, power, or resolve to meet a scary circumstance head on and is called upon whenever we, as individuals, confront a difficult, painful, frightening, or disturbing situation.
In the face of initiating a potentially messy divorce, there are two options: stay in the marriage and stay unhappy or proceed forward with the ordeal, knowing how difficult it may be and how much it may cost you.
Those who proceed forward do so knowing the risks and the financial costs that it may incite, but they also are exhibiting the courage necessary to do what it best for themselves in the long run. They are putting their future and their happiness above a potentially-messy present and displaying the fortitude necessary to make challenging decisions.
This is especially true given the fact that for many who are younger, the act of separating from your parents and forging an independent life for yourself already was a display of courage. To swallow your pride and summon the courage necessary to admit fault when it comes to any relationship is an action that ignores the fear that divorce can entail.
Utilizing courage before, during, and after divorce
Many see courage as an action of moving ahead despite the fear. Before a potential divorce, all of the fear you may feel in leaving what you know, in your spouse, is understandable. Even if it is not actually safe, having information can feel safer than a potential unknown, even if what is known is unhappiness or even abuse.
Once the process begins, you will have to utilize different forms of courage, in an effort to maintain some semblance of a financial future. If you go through the process of mediation, you will need to be able to ask for your share in assets and your expectations to what fair alimony or child support may entail.
As much as you want to provide for your children and give them the best life possible, it cannot be at the expense of your financial stability, and while the emotion of how much you love your children may take hold and challenge the logical sensibility necessary to reach that conclusion, it is in your best interest to summon the courage necessary to say no.
Saying no to requests does not mean that you’re saying no to your children. It means that you think more of yourself than your ex-spouse does. You do not plan on using your mutual children to further your financial needs, and you won’t acknowledge your ex-spouse’s strategy to do the same. You also understand the courage that it takes to power through this situation and reach the other side of it. Once there, you can start to rebuild your semblance of a life for yourself and for those you support.
Dan Pearce is an Online Editor for Lexicon, focusing on subjects related to the legal services of customers, Cordell & Cordell and Cordell Planning Partners. He has written countless pieces on MensDivorce.com, detailing the plight of men and fathers going through the divorce experience, as well as the issues seniors and their families experience throughout the estate planning journey on ElderCareLaw.com. Mr. Pearce has managed websites and helped create content, such as the Men’s Divorce Newsletter and the YouTube series, “Men’s Divorce Countdown.” He also has been a contributor on both the Men’s Divorce Podcast and ElderTalk with TuckerAllen.
Mr. Pearce assisted in fostering a Cordell Planning Partners practice area specific for Veterans, as they deal with the intricacies of their benefits while planning for the future. He also helped create the Cordell Planning Partners Resource Guide and the Cordell Planning Partners Guide to Alternative Residence Options, specific for seniors with questions regarding their needs and living arrangements.