For many, leaving your marriage is the light at the end of the long tunnel. It has been so long since you last felt the freedom of not having to deal with the toxicity of an unhappy and dysfunctional relationship. You feel like you can finally breathe again.
As the discord in your relationship got worse and worse, you may have felt more and more trapped by the ring that was on your hand. What may have started as a disagreement here and there has spiraled into an unrecognizable and unsustainable dynamic that has broken your spirit and made you wish for it all to be over.
This is not a bad thing. It is important to honor your feelings after your divorce and view them as part of your individual recovery process. Some legitimately do not need the closure that others require. You need to know that even though you may not feel regret in any of your decisions during the course of the breakdown of your marriage, as well as your subsequent divorce, you are justified in your sentiment, based on your perspective.
You may be like many living without regretting your decision to divorce. The unhealthiness of your relationship gave you the opportunity to seek other options, and you were able to partner with a family law attorney who understands your unique needs and the unique needs of men and fathers in general during the divorce experience.
Your experience may have featured such rampant discord that you may see the act of divorce as an act of mercy. The end of the marriage allows you and your ex-spouse to remove one another from the poisonous environment and create better lives for yourselves.
Expression and legal issues
Many avoid publicly expressing regret for the marriage entirely in instances when children are involved. Devoted and active parents love their children and want to continue to be present parents in their lives. In theory, the act of getting a divorce can create two separate environments and homes for the shared children to thrive in, under the guidance of the individual parents.
However, with child custody arrangements and child support, things are rarely simple. Many times, one parent will feel like they know what is best for the child and that the other parent does not, causing a child custody fight to break out.
This is when it is vital to have a family law attorney who understands the challenges the fathers face in family court. They understand the stereotypes that pervade the family court system and know how to best represent your rights as a parent.
Once the child custody agreement, the child support agreement, and the parenting plan all are ironed out, you can focus on your future, and while that future is full of potential, it also includes moments where you may be forced to confront aspects of the past.
Revisiting the past
While you may not regret your decision to divorce, nor regret anything that occurred during the course of your divorce, it is beneficial to your children if you attempt to communicate and co-parent with your ex-spouse. As difficult as it may be to speak to them or reason with them on certain issues, this is not done for you. It is for them, because they need the love and support of both of their active parents.
You also may be forced to readdress your decree through the act of modification. While you may not regret getting a divorce, there may be parts of your divorce decree that you wish to revisit and change. You may feel like you are paying too much in child support or in alimony.
This requires you to refocus your attention, in order to allow for the best financial future for yourself and for your children. This does not mean you love your children any less. You and your co-parent cannot be loving and engaging parents if one parent is sending the other into poverty through the amount of child support that they are required to pay.
Focusing on you
If you are one who tends to look back on past events, a past marriage can be filled with mixed emotions, but if regret is not among those emotions, do not dwell on its absence. Instead, return your focus to your future and the potential of your post-divorce life.
You have the ability of focusing on yourself and your health and wellness. You can hit the gym, meal prep, and become a better version of yourself. You can revert your previously distracted attention back to your career and do the best job that you can. You can meet someone new and form stronger, healthier relationships. You can do all of this without regretting your decision to end what was broken and start something new.
Dan Pearce is an Online Editor for Lexicon, focusing on subjects related to the legal services of customers, Cordell & Cordell and Cordell Planning Partners. He has written countless pieces on MensDivorce.com, detailing the plight of men and fathers going through the divorce experience, as well as the issues seniors and their families experience throughout the estate planning journey on ElderCareLaw.com. Mr. Pearce has managed websites and helped create content, such as the Men’s Divorce Newsletter and the YouTube series, “Men’s Divorce Countdown.” He also has been a contributor on both the Men’s Divorce Podcast and ElderTalk with TuckerAllen.
Mr. Pearce assisted in fostering a Cordell Planning Partners practice area specific for Veterans, as they deal with the intricacies of their benefits while planning for the future. He also helped create the Cordell Planning Partners Resource Guide and the Cordell Planning Partners Guide to Alternative Residence Options, specific for seniors with questions regarding their needs and living arrangements.
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