When your marriage is falling apart, you may find yourself struggling to hold yourself to your established routines. You may find yourself struggling with everything going on in your unhappy and dysfunctional relationship.
You may begin to experience mental health issues, like anxiety or depression, that can surface, due to the stress of the situation. You may start to rely on vices like drinking, drugs, gambling, or food, in order to cope with the daily challenges that can seem insurmountable.
When the word, “divorce,” initially is used, it can be another level of stress, or it can be the relief that you have been yearning for. It all depends on the individual.
While there are different ways of thinking about the divorce process and what life after divorce means, it may be beneficial to you to think about it like the resetting of a clock.
‘Resetting the clock’
No one wants to deal with the process of fixing a reset clock. You have to utilize the help of a manual and follow the instructions until you have it fixed. Then, you have to set your necessary alarms, so that you do not oversleep and let the day pass you by.
Similarly, divorce can be your reset button. The process requires you to rely on the help of your family law attorney, who will guide you through the experience until your decree is finalized.
After your divorce is finalized, you have to put the pieces in place, in order to move on. You need to find a place to live that accommodates your children, if you have them. You have to make sure that your obligations in alimony and child support do not exceed your ability to pay, putting your financial health in jeopardy.
Then you have to move on, which for some, can be the most difficult step. You invest so much of yourself and your identity into a marriage and a relationship that it can be difficult to conceive of a scenario where you no longer have that person in your life.
While this can be challenging, you likely are not doing this alone. Having support around you can be a necessary component to putting your divorce behind you.
Even though family members may have a ton of questions that you would rather not answer during this emotionally difficult moment in your life, they are generally supportive. You should not allow the members of your family who wish to criticize you for your decision to end your marriage to affect your recovery.
Your friends will be key during this time in your life, as they provide positivity and comfort in ways that family members often cannot. While some of your friendships may have changed, due to having to choose sides, many of those in your life will open up in ways they have not before, in an effort to be there for you in your time of need.
When it comes to talking to someone, there is no better option than a mental health professional, who can provide an unbiased perspective in a safe and judgment-free setting. They are trained to help you navigate through the complex emotional tapestry of the divorce experience and help you understand the reset button that you are utilizing.
In having to push the reset button through the divorce process you may feel like you are starting over, and in many ways, you are. However, it is important to note that the alarms are set so that you can wake, so in that respect, you can wake up from all of the challenges that your previous life, your previous marriage, and the subsequent recovery process entails.
No one says that this process will be easy, because it will not be. However, with every day, comes distance from the negative experiences associated with your divorce. Every day comes the opportunity to focus on something else, allowing yourself to heal over time.
Dan Pearce is an Online Editor for Lexicon, focusing on subjects related to the legal services of customers, Cordell & Cordell and Cordell Planning Partners. He has written countless pieces on MensDivorce.com, detailing the plight of men and fathers going through the divorce experience, as well as the issues seniors and their families experience throughout the estate planning journey on ElderCareLaw.com. Mr. Pearce has managed websites and helped create content, such as the Men’s Divorce Newsletter and the YouTube series, “Men’s Divorce Countdown.” He also has been a contributor on both the Men’s Divorce Podcast and ElderTalk with TuckerAllen.
Mr. Pearce assisted in fostering a Cordell Planning Partners practice area specific for Veterans, as they deal with the intricacies of their benefits while planning for the future. He also helped create the Cordell Planning Partners Resource Guide and the Cordell Planning Partners Guide to Alternative Residence Options, specific for seniors with questions regarding their needs and living arrangements.