Pain, fear, and regret can bring life to a halt after a divorce.
If you feel that way, try these five tips recommended by lawyers for fathers. They’ll help you start moving forward again.
Build the right support network
After a divorce, it’s crucial to build a support network. Just make sure you put the right people in it.
Don’t include negative forces: The family members who insist your divorce was a mistake and the friends who encourage a “pity party,” allowing you to feel bad for yourself but not to heal. Instead, hold fast to those people who support your new life and push you to move on.
So take some classes. Go to meetup groups. Step outside your comfort zone.
Just do something. Because if you want to move on, you have to get moving.
Set new boundaries with your ex
It’s best to cut your ex out of your life completely. But if you have kids and can’t do that, you at least need to set some boundaries for your new relationship. Firm boundaries.
That means no nurturing. No talking about your new social lives. No murky, sentimental chit-chat that could make it harder to move on.
Only talk about things that matter to both of you − your kids. It’ll make moving on easier for both of you, too.
After you’ve taken some time to reflect, get out there and start dating again. There’s nothing like a new romance to help you move on.
But unless you’ve had a short marriage, your dating skills may be rusty. Here are some things to remember:
- Be yourself — Relax and focus on what you have in common. There’s no need to put your whole life on the table or to try to wow her.
- Don’t complain about your divorce — Or your ex. It’s rude and it’s a turn off. You can be honest and tell her that you’ve been through a divorce, but that’s all you need to say.
- Show Interest — Dating 101, guys. Ask questions and be interested in her answers. It’s good manners, it’ll show that you care, and it’ll tell you whether she’s worth another date.
First, start with yourself.
You may have made mistakes. You may feel regret. But that’s life. You need to let it go.
Then, though it’s hard, you have to forgive her, too. Bitterness, grudges, resentment are weights that will keep your new life from taking off.
It takes time to move on after divorce, but these tips should give a good place to start.