"The emotional thinking involved in focusing on the romance of the Valentine’s Day season can take you away from thinking about the financial gains and losses of the divorce process."
No matter what time of the year it might be, divorce is never something anyone wants to experience. However, right around Valentine’s Day strikes many as a time that would be especially difficult. It is a time when love and romance are highlighted by society with a holiday to honor St. Valentine. This holiday romanticizes the importance of romantic relationships, and for someone experiencing a divorce, that can sound difficult and overwhelming.
Emotions not welcome
If you’re just entering the process of a divorce during the month of February, Forbes says it’s best not to get distracted by the talk of romance. The emotional thinking involved in focusing on the romance of the Valentine’s Day season can take you away from thinking about the financial gains and losses of the divorce process.
The divorce process includes making many difficult decisions that require a clear head and a decisive attitude. Your decisions affect your future and (if you have them), the future and well-being of your children. The emotional gambit of those facing divorce already is all over the map, and adding the complication of an observed day of a given week, socially-dedicated to love, can add an unneeded distraction that can cripple your case moving forward.
There are many ways of going about turning off that emotional-thinking and turning on the rational, financial thinking that you will need in the divorce process. One of which is finding emotional support outside of your case. As difficult as it may be, keeping emotions in check will benefit your case in the long run. As Psychology Today put it, the emotional divorce process begins long before the papers are signed, so make sure to enlist emotional help as soon as possible.
Finding the necessary tools for the divorce process does not just mean getting a lawyer and finding support to lean on. It also entails educating yourself on what you need in your settlement. What will it take for you to maintain custody of you children? What will it take to survive financially, while still paying alimony? Crunching numbers ahead of time will keep your mind on tangible realism, instead of the romance of the holiday.
Speaking of realism and education, knowing the data concerning Valentine’s Day and divorces can assist you in avoiding the pitfalls of the situation. There is a relationship between the two entities, in how they relate to the beginning and ending of marriages. From a study published in Bloomberg, the Institute for the Study of Labor in Bonn, Germany examined the relationships of people getting married on Valentine’s Day.
According to their research, people are more likely to get divorced if they are married on Valentine’s Day. The data of the couples studied between the years 1999 and 2013 found that they also were less educated and less similarly matched.
Similar results were found at the University of Melbourne, but their results had to do with both Valentine’s Day and number-related weddings (i.e. 9/9/99, 1/2/03 etc.). Not only do these wedding dates have five times as many weddings celebrated on them than normal dates, but they also face a rising rate of risk in the success of their marriage.
According to the data, 11 percent of Valentine’s Day marriages, 10 percent of same-number-date marriages, and eight percent of ordinary-date marriages were at risk to fail by the five-year anniversary. By the ninth anniversary, those numbers had risen to 21 percent of Valentine’s Day marriages, 19 percent of same-number-date marriages, and 16 percent of ordinary-day marriages.
This research also revealed that those that got married on a special date, like Valentine’s Day, were more likely to have been married before or already have children. The data also suggested that the women studied who got married on Valentine’s Day were more likely to already be pregnant on their wedding, as opposed to getting married on an ordinary day.
Many couples also find Valentine’s Day a perfect time to file for their divorce, as well. According to data compiled by Avvo and published in the New York Post, divorce filings have an average increase of 40 percent. During that time also, the number of divorce-related questions that the site received rose 36 percent.
Some lawyers attribute these rises in Valentine’s Day divorces to a delay in New Years resolutions, where others see it as people using the month of January as a last-ditch effort to reconcile with their spouse or end the marriage.
Despite the research and data, getting married or divorced on Valentine’s Day does not have to be indicative of your success in relationships moving forward, but you cannot let the romance of the holiday blind you from the harsh realities that divorce procedures entail and the harsh truths of the data provided. Celebrating the holiday with those you care about is okay, but you cannot bring the emotions from the season into the proceedings and put your well-being and financial future at risk.
Dan Pearce is an Online Editor for Lexicon, focusing on subjects related to the legal services of customers, Cordell & Cordell and Cordell Planning Partners. He has written countless pieces on MensDivorce.com, detailing the plight of men and fathers going through the divorce experience, as well as the issues seniors and their families experience throughout the estate planning journey on ElderCareLaw.com. Mr. Pearce has managed websites and helped create content, such as the Men’s Divorce Newsletter and the YouTube series, “Men’s Divorce Countdown.” He also has been a contributor on both the Men’s Divorce Podcast and ElderTalk with TuckerAllen.
Mr. Pearce assisted in fostering a Cordell Planning Partners practice area specific for Veterans, as they deal with the intricacies of their benefits while planning for the future. He also helped create the Cordell Planning Partners Resource Guide and the Cordell Planning Partners Guide to Alternative Residence Options, specific for seniors with questions regarding their needs and living arrangements.