It is commonly held that up to 50 percent of couples will get a divorce in their lifetime. If you’re facing divorce, it’s not going to be an easy time, but it can be a relatively quick and pain-free process as long as a few things are in place:
Put your feelings aside
Whether it’s you initiating the divorce or your wife who has served the papers, put raw feelings aside as soon as possible. If the divorce is inevitable, you’re going to need to figure out child custody, property issues, who should move, etc., and it’s important not to have your judgment clouded by feelings.
That’s not to say you’re not going to grieve the end of your marriage. You will. The key is that when you’re dealing with the procedural aspects of divorce, leave your feelings out of it.
Children come first
When it comes to how to get a divorce, you should put your children and their best interests front and center. After all, the divorce isn’t just affecting you and your spouse (no matter who initiated it); it’s also having a significant impact on your children. Arguably, that impact is going to be greater for your children down the road than it may be for you once the divorce is complete.
Therefore, when you’re considering how to get a divorce, keep adult topics between the adults and be civil with each other in front of the children. The fighting and arguing, if it has to happen, can happen in the courts and in the attorneys’ offices.
Separate your property
Even before you finalize a divorce, you and your spouse are soon going to be living in separate homes, accessing separate finances and reclaiming possessions as “yours” and “mine.” It’ll make the process much easier if you can separate everything as soon as possible.
With the issue of how to get a divorce, it’s generally easier to complete the process if you’re not living together once it’s been decided that you are going to divorce.
Focus on the details
Especially if the divorce has happened because of the fault of one spouse (such as through infidelity), anger can be very invasive and overwhelming for both parties. It’s helpful to simply focus on the nuts and bolts of the divorce process while it’s happening.
This will do two things. First, it will help you make sure that you get everything you’re due financially and in terms of child custody and possessions’ ownership. Second, it will take your mind off your feelings and let you be objective and analytical for short periods of time.
This is good when it comes to how to get a divorce, because you can channel what might normally be ineffective anger into new and focused energy that will help you complete the divorce successfully.
Mourn after the fact
Divorce is bound to bring some feelings of grief and loss. In fact, many people say that it’s similar to losing a spouse or death, except that it’s even more of a quandary because that spouse is still alive. It’s even more difficult because you and your spouse will be forever tied to each other through shared parental responsibilities.
Therefore, when it comes to how to get a divorce, expect that you will have the normal feelings of grief and loss. After all, this is a relationship you committed to for life, and now that it’s over, it’s a real adjustment. They will pass as time goes on.