Many who pursue a divorce are doing so because they feel as though their spouse has given them no other option. They feel that this may be the only way to gain some semblance of control back into their life and ensure them a better future than their current present.
They may take time to reach this decision, because it is not a decision made lightly. However, after that time, a decision must be made, because otherwise, the better future that you are looking for may be left behind.
You may have pursued various avenues of fixing the relationship, and that is admirable. Many couples going through difficulties in their relationship seek professional help, before making decisions that ultimately affect the success or failure of the relationship.
However, many who pursue the option of a divorce that feel like their spouse has given them no other choice do so out of a sense of pain. Whether it caused by infidelity or abuse, many who face these decisions have little to no outlet in expressing their feelings, regarding this decision.
Support and affirmation
Whether it is to a friend, family member, coworker, or neighbor, it is important to express your feelings regarding the situation. Too many use divorce as an excuse for bad behavior because they are unable to express their feelings in a healthy and constructive manner.
Many also go into the divorce process looking for their feelings to be reaffirmed, because they are seeking validation for their own decisions. They are in need of feeling like they were right for deciding to divorce. However, going through with a divorce is a decision that is bigger than being right or wrong.
You are looking to be affirmed right away and surrounded with a support system of friends and family that can be there for you and reassure you that it is all going to work out. You may need to be reminded multiple times that the relationship did not work and all of the pain that they may have caused you.
Grief and your future
Grief of losing a relationship can make you incredibly vulnerable, and it’s important for you to feel that loss, so long as it does not make you actively question the decision to pursue a divorce. The support that you surround yourself with can help add objective clarity to the situation and make you see that you made the best decision possible, despite the challenging set of circumstances you faced.
Choosing to divorce someone that caused you so much pain is about making a decision that is right for you and your future. It is about your happiness and whether you can see yourself moving past your spouse’s bad decisions or behavior, and create a future with this person. If the answer to that quandary is no and the relationship is not worth fighting for, then you have to express those feelings through your actions, according to Psychology Today.
When making decisions, you are taking action in the present and are anticipating the results of your actions in the future. It could be weeks, months, or even years later before the emotional weight of the decision subsides and you feel good about practicing self-love and choosing your own future.
Ego and pride
Making that type of decision has an interesting relationship to one’s ego. Many stereotypes involving men entail egos and pride, and given how big of a decision getting married is, ending that marriage may trigger questions regarding their sense of self and how wrapped up they were in the idea of being married.
It is worth considering that the sense of ego and pride that it takes to make such a life-altering decision like getting married also may be required to make the equally life-altering decision of getting a divorce. In a society where we, as individuals, prefer complacency to change, even if the complacency entails dysfunction, conflict, and resentment, it takes the same level of resolve and inner strength to put an end to the complacency of an unhappy marriage, as it does to begin a relationship. In both cases, you are putting yourself out there, uncertain of what the future actually holds.
Uncertainty and time
You, as a married individual, faced the impossible task of betting that the uncertainty ahead was better the conflict that was. You may face questions about that decision from time to time, but they will subside as time goes by.
Time makes it so that the questions you may face about whether or not you made the right decision in divorcing your ex-spouse will dwindle. Eventually, you may find yourself on a new path in places you would have never been and with people you never would have met, had you stayed in a dysfunctional and unhappy marriage. As a result of the divorce, you may become stronger for the experience, even if it may not seem that way right away.
Dan Pearce is an Online Editor for Lexicon, focusing on subjects related to the legal services of customers, Cordell & Cordell and Cordell Planning Partners. He has written countless pieces on MensDivorce.com, detailing the plight of men and fathers going through the divorce experience, as well as the issues seniors and their families experience throughout the estate planning journey on ElderCareLaw.com. Mr. Pearce has managed websites and helped create content, such as the Men’s Divorce Newsletter and the YouTube series, “Men’s Divorce Countdown.” He also has been a contributor on both the Men’s Divorce Podcast and ElderTalk with TuckerAllen.
Mr. Pearce assisted in fostering a Cordell Planning Partners practice area specific for Veterans, as they deal with the intricacies of their benefits while planning for the future. He also helped create the Cordell Planning Partners Resource Guide and the Cordell Planning Partners Guide to Alternative Residence Options, specific for seniors with questions regarding their needs and living arrangements.
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