On top of the larger sacrifices that marriage entails, there are many smaller ones that you have to make as well. You have decided to set aside the little things that may bug you, in favor of the love that you may share with that person.
As the relationship goes on, those feelings may lessen, due to the passage of time and the changes in the interactions you may have with your spouse. This can lead to a disconnect in the way you communicate and relate to one another, setting yourselves up for possible repercussions to your relationship.
After the relationship ends through the divorce experience and the legal proceedings are over, you can find yourself looking back and noticing the things in your marriage that you ignored. These types of red flags can be hidden by the feelings you may share for the person and the children you may share together.
1. Lack of trust
For many couples, it can start and end with a lack of trust. White lies or betrayals have a way of becoming bigger when they are covered up by your significant other. It erodes emotional intimacy, and the comfort and predictability of the relationship becomes lost, according to Psychology Today.
This can be on display for the courts and the lawyers to witness during the divorce experience. Many soon-to-be ex-spouses attempt to put their trust in one another when it comes to various possessions or issues, in an effort to create a civil dialogue on the matters between the two parties.
This can be taken advantage of, and it is not a recommended legal strategy, when you are attempting to divide the marital assets and decide on important matters. These types of issues need to be handled by an attorney, and everything needs to be in writing.
During this process, it is important to have a family law attorney able to represent your interests in your unique situation. For men going through the divorce, they need an attorney who understands what the experience is like for men and can guide them through it.
Another idiosyncrasy that can dismantle a relationship and also can resurface during the divorce experience is censorship. If you find yourself walking on eggshells around your spouse and feel like you cannot be yourself or you cannot say anything without your spouse blowing up at you, then it may be time to reevaluate the relationship.
This does not just include small things like your personal preference of pizza toppings, but also includes larger issues. If you find yourself regularly keeping meaningful things to yourself in an active and deliberate way, that is a problematic and unhealthy behavior.
This issue can resurface during the course of the divorce experience. Even after the initial separation occurs, you may find yourself so used to keeping things to yourself that you do not notice the moments where you need to speak up.
This instinct may be out of habit or a general fear of speaking up and asking the questions that need to be asked during the divorce experience. This is a detrimental fear to your case and can put your future in jeopardy.
3. Controlling behavior
Being controlling also can sabotage a relationship and a marriage. Many spouses struggle with the notion that they are too involved in the lives of their significant others. This can lead to many exploring the divorce experience.
This type of spouse may look to criticize you on issues big and small, as well as isolate you from family and/or friends, according to Psychology Today. They can be keeping score against you and use it as guilt, in order to get their way.
This type of behavior also translates into divorce proceedings, as they may attempt to offer the best possible solutions for them that would end things as quickly as possible. While that may be a sound strategy for them and their counsel, it is not best for you, and during the divorce experience, your attorney is the only other person looking out for you, besides yourself.
You need to be able to do what is in your best interests during the divorce experience. Even though you may have grown complacent in letting your soon-to-be ex-spouse do everything during your marriage, you cannot let them be in your driver’s seat during the divorce.
These sentiments regarding standing up for yourself and making sure that you are well-represented are not exclusive to the divorce experience, however. In future relationships, you need to be a respected equal and treated as such during the course of your relationship. Otherwise, you may find yourself back in a familiar predicament.
Dan Pearce is an Online Editor for Lexicon, focusing on subjects related to the legal services of customers, Cordell & Cordell and Cordell Planning Partners. He has written countless pieces on MensDivorce.com, detailing the plight of men and fathers going through the divorce experience, as well as the issues seniors and their families experience throughout the estate planning journey on ElderCareLaw.com. Mr. Pearce has managed websites and helped create content, such as the Men’s Divorce Newsletter and the YouTube series, “Men’s Divorce Countdown.” He also has been a contributor on both the Men’s Divorce Podcast and ElderTalk with TuckerAllen.
Mr. Pearce assisted in fostering a Cordell Planning Partners practice area specific for Veterans, as they deal with the intricacies of their benefits while planning for the future. He also helped create the Cordell Planning Partners Resource Guide and the Cordell Planning Partners Guide to Alternative Residence Options, specific for seniors with questions regarding their needs and living arrangements.
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