For some who have many miles and years behind their divorce, the idea that they were once married seems like it was an event that happened to someone else. They look at it like an old television show that they were once invested in, but unfortunately ended poorly when their favorite character died in the series finale.
They see other couples walking the streets or out at a restaurant, and if enough years have gone by, it may not even dawn on them that they were once like that couple. They may not give a second thought.
If you did not have children before or during the marriage, some can find it difficult to quantify what the union meant to them at the time. The difficulty lies in what ailed the relationship in the first place, if that is remembered at all. Many may simply forget or actively choose not to remember.
For those that do remember, enough time may have passed that they can accept some of the blame for the ending of the relationship and what transpired to cause a divorce to occur. For others, they may have held onto past resentment and animosity.
During the passage of time, it is understandable to move on. With how many years it has been since your divorce, the time you took to process your breakup before meeting someone new is no longer relevant. It could have been two years. It could have been two days. It no longer matters.
Part of the reason why many do not remember the time that it took after their divorce to meet someone new is because after so many years and so many first dates, time has a way of blending eras in one’s life together.
Dates and marriage
After a while, the amount of time you spend going on first dates, the more difficult it can become distinguishing aspects of various relationships. According to statistics published in APlus, the world sees around three million first dates every day, and given all of the idiosyncrasies that can occur in the world of dating, it is no wonder that the more dates that you go on, the more relationships and interactions begin blending together.
However, many would venture to say that a marriage is more than a series of first dates. In creating this union, you are committing your life to this person through all of the good times and bad times that it offers. This is more than just dating. The commitment of marriage is a decision, not often made lightly, just as the decision of divorce.
Many years down the line, that type of decision to divorce an individual may not carry the same level of emotional impact that it did while it was occurring. Much of that is because of how traumatic a divorce can be when it initially occurs and how the brain responds and heals when faced with a traumatic event.
According to CNN, on some level, you cannot stop reliving the traumatic event and feeling its impact. However, time and care allow one’s emotional landscape to balance out, paving the way for a more normal state.
Getting back to normalcy is an achievement that can be reached through the support of others. Through the support of family, friends, co-workers, and neighbors alike, divorced men can find their sense of normalcy through their interactions with others and in the way they reestablish a daily routine.
Support and strength
Through the support of others, one regains their emotional legs, and with the passage of time, they are able to move forward and possibly meet someone new. It may take days. It may take years. They might not actually meet someone new. The important part to take away from this is that they regain their emotional health and wellness.
When one remembers a past marriage many years later, the feelings that they feel, while important and impactful, are not necessarily as debilitating as they were when the divorce experience occurred. Whether you look at the person or the marriage and experience nostalgic feelings or feelings of loss or hurt, they have lost the vigor that you may have felt at the time, because you have become stronger and have moved on from the experience.
Dan Pearce is an Online Editor for Lexicon, focusing on subjects related to the legal services of customers, Cordell & Cordell and Cordell Planning Partners. He has written countless pieces on MensDivorce.com, detailing the plight of men and fathers going through the divorce experience, as well as the issues seniors and their families experience throughout the estate planning journey on ElderCareLaw.com. Mr. Pearce has managed websites and helped create content, such as the Men’s Divorce Newsletter and the YouTube series, “Men’s Divorce Countdown.” He also has been a contributor on both the Men’s Divorce Podcast and ElderTalk with TuckerAllen.
Mr. Pearce assisted in fostering a Cordell Planning Partners practice area specific for Veterans, as they deal with the intricacies of their benefits while planning for the future. He also helped create the Cordell Planning Partners Resource Guide and the Cordell Planning Partners Guide to Alternative Residence Options, specific for seniors with questions regarding their needs and living arrangements.