After a divorce, you may feel like you may never be in a relationship again, or at the very least, you will never get married again. You may stick to these stances and avoid the level of commitment that you previously had with your former spouse.
Or you may be facing another set of vows with a new significant other.
It is important for those remarrying after a divorce to be aware of their own emotional state. Without understanding your emotions and how the divorce affected you, you could enter a relationship, or even another marriage, that is doomed to fail.
For many, that is the case. According to the National Center for Family and Marriage Research at Bowling Green State University, 60 percent of second marriages and 65 percent of third or fourth marriages all end in divorce.
Many individuals find themselves attempting to recapture their emotional attachment of being in a relationship and having another person in their life that they care about. This is why cohabitation statistics have increased so dramatically over recent years.
Testing out living together has opened up an emotional aspect of closeness that many couples in previous generations did not explore. They begin to understand what makes the other person tick and identify what they like and dislike about them at various points of a given day.
In witnessing these moments, they are able to make an informed decision when they enter a new marriage. They are better able to assess that what happened with one person might not happen with another.
Dealing with the ex
Because of the differences between individuals, one being a former spouse and one being a soon-to-be new spouse, the relationship can be a completely different experience. The idiosyncrasies of one person may not be the case of another, and the emotional makeup that allows the soon-to-be new spouse to tick may be more accommodating to your emotional needs.
This is important because most people heading into their second marriages still have to deal with their previous spouse on some level. Whether you are a co-parent with them or paying alimony, you still have to deal with the physical, emotional, and financial consequences of the end of the marriage.
For many, this means that you may have emotional needs in trying to process the actions of your ex-spouse. Your significant other may need to be the shoulder you lean on, when the emotional balancing act of being strong for yourself and for your children prove to be too much to handle on your own.
Your ex-spouse may look to trigger your emotions by saying something about your significant other, and you cannot let them get to you. According to Psychology Today, the ex-spouse may look to sneak into the emotional landscape that exists between you and your significant other by making outlandish claims about your soon-to-be new spouse taking their place as a parent in the lives of your shared children or claiming you to be selfish for finding someone new.
It’s important that you and your new spouse both understand that this is an emotional ploy regarding topics that you both have already discussed. That level of communication is especially helpful for any relationship, but when you are heading into your second marriage, you and your new spouse need to be aware of the issues that your relationship could potentially face.
In order to be a better team with another person, you need to inform them of what could potentially be ahead. Whether it is visitation schedules they have to work around or conversational hazards to avoid, giving insight to a new significant other about the potential issues that have the potential to arise may be beneficial for the long-term health of your new relationship and new marriage.
Overcoming the emotional hurdles of the divorce experience can give you an added boost in confidence and life experience, that you will undoubtedly take with you as you move forward. You are stronger for the experience and are able to create a better life for yourself moving forward.