Whether you simply are thinking about a divorce, knee-deep in the proceedings, or walking away from the table after signing a divorce decree, you may not have a clear sense of who you are in all of this. Given the mental and emotional toll this experience can cause, you may not have the confidence to think about yourself and your own needs during these challenging times.
If you have children, you may be thinking about them, worrying about their mental states and how these moments of seeing their parents argue and separate from one another will affect them long-term, as well as their respective relationships with you two.
If you do not have children, you need to start by focusing on yourself, doing things in your life to improve yourself and your confidence. With no spouse in the picture, you have to make yourself and your well-being a priority.
Reclaiming your confidence after the difficulties of an unhappy and dysfunctional marriage and a challenging divorce is not an exact science. For some, they may look to their former activities, such as exercising or hanging out with friends.
However, it is important to keep in mind the changes that have gone on in your life. Because of your experiences with marriage and divorce, you are not the same person that you used to be, and that’s OK. Additionally, many friendships change, due to the nature of divorce.
It is important to surround yourself with a support system of people who actually can be beneficial to your well-being and your overall health. You may not think activities like going out and being social are necessary for reestablishing your life, but they serve a greater purpose to your self-esteem and overall confidence.
By getting out and engaging in some sort of social activity, you are letting others know that you are not permanently broken. You are letting your social circles know that you will not allow your experiences define you, and for those who do not know you, you have the luxury of having those divorce experiences be anonymous. There’s no visual cue that you have alimony payments due or that you are in contact with your family law attorney. You get to decide how much you share with someone else.
The possibility of dating
This is important in situations where dating is a possibility. As difficult as it may be to move on, the social benefits of meeting someone new can be beneficial to your overall health, especially these days. There are dating apps that allow you to highlight your best qualities and meet someone of similar interests.
It may take a while to meet someone who you are interested in, but that is entirely part of the dating process and in no way indicative of your past divorce. Many who date are always looking for something wrong with the person who they are spending their time with. If it was not the divorce, it would have been something else, and a date’s preferences regarding your past marriage is not your problem.
The nature of confidence
You should not allow your confidence to be dictated by someone else’s feelings in any facet of your daily life. Your feelings are just as valid as theirs, and you should never allow someone else to sink yours like an anchor, just because you have been through the divorce experience.
Your behavior should not be driven by the emotions of anyone, especially your ex-spouse, according to Psychology Today. They may attempt to reenter the picture for whatever reason, and while that reason may be valid and may need to be dealt with, there is no reason you should allow their thoughts and their feelings to bring you down or shatter any progress you have made in rebuilding your confidence.
You cannot and should not allow yourself to be manipulated in this way. If you sense that the conversation is headed in a direction that you are not comfortable with, it is imperative that you exercise some self-love and remove yourself from any narrative that would damage your post-divorce recovery process.
You need to be able to believe in your ability to rebuild your life and move forward. After a divorce, you may begin to question your ability to make life decisions, but do not let one setback color your perspective and prevent you from making these types of calls.
Whether it is through your job, your friends, your family, or a new relationship, you can make different aspects of your new life matter and move past the negativity of a dysfunctional and unhappy marriage. Your productivity in starting over and taking each step to a new future is something you should be proud of and should give you the confidence boost you need to take additional steps.
Dan Pearce is an Online Editor for Lexicon, focusing on subjects related to the legal services of customers, Cordell & Cordell and Cordell Planning Partners. He has written countless pieces on MensDivorce.com, detailing the plight of men and fathers going through the divorce experience, as well as the issues seniors and their families experience throughout the estate planning journey on ElderCareLaw.com. Mr. Pearce has managed websites and helped create content, such as the Men’s Divorce Newsletter and the YouTube series, “Men’s Divorce Countdown.” He also has been a contributor on both the Men’s Divorce Podcast and ElderTalk with TuckerAllen.
Mr. Pearce assisted in fostering a Cordell Planning Partners practice area specific for Veterans, as they deal with the intricacies of their benefits while planning for the future. He also helped create the Cordell Planning Partners Resource Guide and the Cordell Planning Partners Guide to Alternative Residence Options, specific for seniors with questions regarding their needs and living arrangements.