It’s not easy to go through a divorce, but you can make mistakes that can make the process even more difficult. Here are some of the top mistakes men make in divorce:
Letting Anger Hijack Reason
During the early stages of the divorce especially, it’s very common to have reasonable adults suddenly become screaming nincompoops. It’s a highly emotional time, and you can say or do things you don’t mean — and that could actually come back to haunt you later.
One of the top mistakes men make in divorce is to let their tempers get out of control. This is embarrassing, to be sure, but it’s also potentially damaging to you in court.
Even if the situation is highly charged, stay calm. Walk out of the room if you have to, take a break, take a walk, or do whatever you have to do to stay calm and be reasonable — even if your spouse isn’t being reasonable.
Remember, staying reasonable even during difficult times like this is only going to help you during the process of divorce itself.
If there comes a time when you really can’t talk reasonably with your spouse, wait for things to blow over before you try again. Both of you should be calmer once the newness of the situation has worn off.
In a worst-case scenario, you can let your divorce lawyer do the talking, which brings us to our second “mistakes men make in divorce” finding.
Deciding You Can Share A Divorce Lawyer
Especially if the divorce is particularly arduous, it’s never a good idea to share a lawyer, and this is one of the biggest mistakes men make in divorce. Your spouse may want you to, and you may be tempted to in an attempt to minimize costs and appear “reasonable,” but you need your own lawyer for a couple of reasons.
For one, your lawyer is on your side only, not hers. He or she is there to protect your interests, even if you’re too emotional to consider them while the divorce is going on.
Another reason it’s a good idea to have your own lawyer is that if communication does become too intense with your soon-to-be ex-spouse such that you simply can’t talk with each other in a reasonable manner, you can let your respective lawyers do the talking instead.
Letting Property Division Turn Vengeful
It’s very, very common to have disagreements about who gets what once it comes time to divide property. There are certainly situations whereby you’ll want a particular piece of property because it’s special to you, and the same may be true of your wife.
However, one of the mistakes men make in divorce is simply to withhold property for vengeful reasons. Consider this situation: you know your wife loves the fine silverware even though you hate it, but you decide that you “want” it simply so she can’t have it. Don’t do that.
When you’re going through property division, make sure you have a good reason for keeping something — and then ensure your rights are protected. It’s going to be expensive to decide your property division on an item by item basis if you are simply being vengeful and making the process difficult.
Letting Your Wife “Do What She Wants”
If your spouse is the one who wants the divorce, you may be surprised and shocked. This numbness can lead to passivity, whereby you simply let your spouse do whatever she wants. Don’t.
One of the biggest mistakes men make in divorce is simply to be passive and let the spouse take over. Let a little bit of time pass until the shock wears off, and then you’ll be able to think more clearly.