For many guys going through divorce, the thought of jumping back into the dating pool is an enticing prospect.
You may have gone through years of emotional or physical neglect while trapped in a loveless marriage, which can lead you to rush back onto the market.
However, if you are fresh out of a divorce, it is a good idea to consider letting the ink dry on your decree before jumping into the dating scene.
Avoid bringing old issues into new relationships
Take a breather after your divorce to make sure you are truly over it and ready to move forward.
Your ex-wife may be the Devil’s love child and you have every right to complain, but new dates do not want to hear about her and that is a big turn off.
Instead, tell your buddies over a pint about your lucky escape from Hell.
Let people know you are ready to start dating again
They may have a cute cousin to set you up with or do a double-date.
Going to parties is a great way to meet many women at once and see whom you like, especially if you are relaxed and having fun with others. This also makes it easier to approach someone interesting.
I know a few couples who met at these gatherings and later got married.
Get involved with networking and joining professional groups
Not only do you boost your career, but you expand your connections and get to know fascinating people.
Several doctors and lawyers met each other at professional functions and got married. Going to networking luncheons is another way to enlarge your circle of friends.
It can be enjoyable to go out with co-workers after work for Happy Hour, and sparks may fly when getting to know them on a more personal level.
Several marriages were the result of this at a large hospital where I used to work.
There are many online dating sites
Some will vet their potential clients by doing background checks and interviews, while others you just have to hope people’s profiles are accurate and their photos are from this decade.
This also means you cannot use the photo where you had hair and a trim waistline if that is no longer the case.
Have a friend look over your profile to make sure it is enticing and not a bunch of fiction, as you want to meet someone who shares your interests.
Speed dating is also becoming more popular as a quick method to meet many at one go, since there is a specified amount of time that you talk to each woman.
After the event, you turn in a sheet to the organization saying whom you would like to date. If there are matches, then you and the women are notified of them.
There is no rejection on the spot which takes the pressure off you.
It can be difficult to begin dating again
There is no timetable when to start, so do not let friends try to push you into it. If they keep asking about your dates, tell them you will let them know if you become serious about anyone (even if you are not actively dating).
There are also ways to enjoy female companionship when not ready to date, such as volunteering for a charity or cause which ignites your passion.
Although several divorced people were not intending to remarry, they did after becoming friends with someone in their animal rescue group.
Others joined photography, hiking and other groups and met some great members (platonically and otherwise).
Some people have gone to a movie, play or concert on first dates so they could start to feel more comfortable without having to make a lot of conversation when nervous — the event itself generates things to discuss.
Others have found that hiking, walking or being out in nature is relaxing. If feeling stuck or awkward on dates, seeing a dating coach is an option.
They can help you come up with strategies for either meeting women or having them want more dates.
Wendi Schuller is a nurse, hypnotherapist and is certified in Neuro-linguistic Programing (NLP). Her most recent book is “The Global Guide to Divorce,” and she has more than 200 published articles. She is also a frequent guest on radio programs in the US and UK.
Mat Camp is a former Lexicon Services Online Editor, who focused on providing a comprehensive look into all aspects of the divorce experience. On MensDivorce.com, he concentrated on issues, such as parenting time, custodial rights, mediation, the division of assets, and so much more.
Mr. Camp used the wealth of experience of Cordell & Cordell attorneys to bring tangible answers to reader questions in Ask a Lawyer articles, as well as offer a step by step process through the divorce experience with Cordell & Cordell Co-Founder and Principal Partner Joseph E. Cordell in Divorce 101: A Guide for Men.
Mr. Camp used thorough research to highlight the challenging reality that those who go through divorce or child custody issues face. He helped foster the continued success of the Men’s Divorce Survival Guide, the Men’s Divorce Podcast, and the Men’s Divorce YouTube series “Attorney Bites.”