How to Have an Amicable Divorce

Divorce is a painful process, but there are some things you can do to work toward an amicable divorce and make the process easier. Here are divorce tips on what you can do to ensure your divorce goes as smooth as possible.

Work together

If the divorce is amicable in that you both want it, it’s time to put any negative feelings about each other aside at least temporarily. Whatever happened to cause the divorce, whether it be infidelity, a feeling of having grown apart, simply wanting to move on, etc., it’s time to cooperate.

Consider using a mediator

If you’re both in general agreement about the terms of the divorce, consider using a mediator for those few sticking points you can’t agree on. The mediator will help you reach a fair agreement for the both of you, without taking sides on how to get a divorce.

He or she will help both of you negotiate a fair settlement of terms, providing an objective eye to help smooth things and make the process as easy as possible.

Work out the divorce terms yourself

Prior to getting your mediator, work out the general terms of the divorce between the two of you. When it comes to how to get a divorce, this is the easiest and least expensive way to establish divorce terms, as long as you’re in general agreement.

For example, if you already know that you’re going to have joint custody of the children, that there will be no alimony, and the division of property has already been decided, you can generally dispense with most courtroom formalities and let the mediator help you with general decisions.

Mediation and no-fault terms do differ by state, so make sure you check your state’s divorce laws to determine the best course of action for you.

Set personal feelings aside

Personal feelings are going to enter into the equation at some point — regardless of how amicable you are trying to be. It’s likely that the divorce is happening for some pretty painful reasons, and most people can’t simply cheerfully agree to part ways.

However, knowing that you have personal feelings about the divorce and allowing them to enter the divorce process itself are two different things. You can have personal feelings about the divorce (anger, betrayal, sadness and loss are just a few of the feelings you might be experiencing), but you can still be objective and put those aside when you’re dealing with the nuts and bolts of how to get a divorce finalized. Those feelings should not be made present during the divorce proceedings.

If your divorce is not amicable, in that you simply can’t put feelings aside and you have other major disagreements over child custody or property division issues, then working together is probably not the best way when it comes to how to get a divorce. At that point, it may be time for both of you get your own lawyers, separately.

Mediation and other forms of alternative dispute resolution are most successful when both parties are in general agreement about how the divorce is to proceed.

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