There are lots of articles available about how to get through a divorce if you’re a man, such as making sure you take care of child custody issues and protect yourself financially and legally. What about the practical day-to-day concerns with divorce and its aftermath, though? What’s the best divorce advice for men when it comes to getting on with life afterward?
Know that grieving is normal
Even if you initiated the divorce, one of the best pieces of advice for men post-divorce is that it’s okay to feel loss and grief — and it’s normal that you do so. It’s even more imperative that you know this is normal if you’re also feeling guilty because you initiated the divorce for whatever reason.
Take some time alone before you start to date again
After the divorce, some of the best divorce advice for men is that you should simply take some time to learn how to be single again (and to incorporate your children into this new single life, as applicable), before you start to date.
There are a couple of important reasons for this. The first is that any dating you do is likely to be “rebound” dating. In order to establish a truly healthy relationship, one of the best pieces of divorce advice for men is that you should simply take some time to heal and become “single” again, before you go on to another partnership.
Make sure your kids are fully included, if you have them
If you and your ex-spouse have decided on joint custody, you have regular visitation, or even if you’re the major custodial parent, make sure you organize your life after the divorce so that your kids are fully included. Just because you’ve gotten a divorce and have cut ties with your spouse doesn’t mean you’ve lost your children, too. Take the time to make yourselves a family again, this time with one parent (you) instead of two.
Work on being civil with your ex-spouse if you have children
Maybe you can never be friends again (or maybe you can), but one of the most important things you can do post-divorce is to establish a co-parenting relationship with your ex-spouse again if you have children. Some of the best divorce advice for men is that you should remember that even though your ex is no longer your wife, she’s still your children’s mother. At one time, you loved each other, and you had children together, and it is still your job to raise them — together. As soon as you can after the understandably raw feelings of divorce have eased, work on developing a new, civil relationship with your ex-spouse. Even if you can’t be friends, you can come together on terms that are friendly enough to get the job done.
Relearn everything you forgot how to do
Chances are, when you were single, you knew how to do everything; once you got married, you and your wife probably took charge of certain tasks , like car repair (your job), laundry (her job), or mowing the lawn (your job). Because of that, certain tasks you used to know how to do should be relearned so that you can take care of yourself. This may take some time, but it can be done, and it doesn’t have to be as rough as it was the first time around, when you were in college or living away from home for the first time. When it comes to divorce advice for men, learn how to cook and clean for yourself, for example, as you need to, and don’t simply live on take-out or junk food. Your health (as well as your waistline and your wallet) will thank you.