Divorce is a tough time, to be sure, and it’s easy to make mistakes during divorce. Here are some of the common mistakes men make in divorce, and how you can avoid them.
Leaving joint accounts “as is”
If divorce is impending, go to the bank as soon as you can and separate your joint accounts into individual accounts. Leaving them joint is one of the biggest mistakes men make in divorce. Open an account specifically in your own name and move a portion of your joint account monies there. Be reasonable; the judge will likely not look favorably upon you if it looks like your cleaning out your spouse simply for vengeful reasons, and you’ll probably have to relinquish some of it. Take enough so that you know you can take care of yourself, but leave enough so that your spouse can take care of herself and the children as well if necessary, as the case may be.
Starting a new romance too soon
Infidelity is one of the major reasons marriages dissolve, so this may be a moot point as far as you’re concerned. However, if you’re not in a relationship at present, stay out of one until you and your spouse are legally separated and divorced is pending. Although “no-fault” divorce laws generally mean that infidelity does not particularly impact how a divorce is going to work out, starting a romance too soon is one of the biggest mistakes men make in divorce. It throws a monkey wrench in an already emotional situation. Wait until you’re divorced and the situation is resolved. You have a much better chance at a healthy relationship if you’ve got a clear head and have left the negativity of a divorce behind you.
Being vindictive “just because”
You may hate your spouse with a passion, but that’s no reason to act like a child and belittle your spouse for her personality flaws during the course of the divorce proceedings. You probably know your spouse better than anyone else does, especially if you’ve been married for many years. It’s tempting to “get back at” your spouse during this very tense time, but that’s one of the biggest mistakes men make in divorce.
That’s not a good idea, for a couple reasons. It turns already difficult divorce proceedings into an out and out war, and could cause your spouse to be inflexible. It also makes you look bad to the judge, by the way, and even though personal feelings are not meant to be part of any decisions, it could absolutely cast you in bad favor and make things worse for you. Be an adult, and be as cool and professional as possible at all times.
Choosing the wrong attorney
One of the biggest mistakes men make in divorce is to choose “no” attorney, whereby they think they simply can share one with their spouse, but there’s also a situation where you can simply choose the wrong attorney for yourself. Make sure the attorney you choose is professional and on the up and up. If the lawyer you choose is not professional, you could end up in a very bad situation indeed. This is one of the biggest mistakes men make in divorce because a nonprofessional lawyer can “churn” fees simply to make more money for themselves. For example, they can manipulate and instigate spousal conflict that they will then have to step in and resolve. This means more money for them, and a lot more trouble for you — and you could end up in the poor house, besides. Choose a lawyer who is professional and clinical in his or her approach. He or she should work for efficiency and a quick but fair resolution.