When a marriage is going well, honesty plays a part in the functionality and level of happiness shared between the two individuals involved. When it is not, the lies of falsehood and omission can play a factor in the demise of the union.
Whether it is the end of a marriage or simply a relationship, lies have a way of breaking down the authenticity of the fabric between two people. When one catches the other in a lie, they begin to look at that person differently, and the trust that was once present is no longer.
Whether it is deceptive behavior or outright dishonesty, those who lie to their spouse block real intimacy and the ability to be vulnerable with their partner, according to Psychology Today. It also incites snowballing lies to cover up previous ones, requiring the liar to remember all of the lies and keep them straight.
Lies and emotions
Depending on the individual lying, they may feel a level of discomfort or guilt associated with their behavior. They may attempt to avoid topics that cause them to have to go back to the lies, and they may build up a sense of shame that they keep private from their spouse.
Small lies make it easier to tell bigger lies, and when the person adds self-justification, as to why they are telling them, it can get to the point where the liar may start to believe what they are selling as truth.
With all of this hiding, deception, and secrecy involved, it would not take much for the spouse that has been a victim of the lies to catch on. This level of suspicion in a relationship can boil over into a confrontation that can spell the end of the marriage.
Contact your attorney
During this time of tension and suspicion, it may be best for the victimized spouse to seek the advice of a family law attorney who can help them navigate their options, if they truly believe that their marriage may be over.
In order to choose the right family law attorney for the uniqueness of the situation, it is vital that men look into a litigation firm that focuses on their needs and can give them the best shot at the best future possible.
False charges of domestic violence
During the divorce process, it is vital that the victimized spouse maintains their honesty. When called on to testify, they must maintain the truth and provide evidence to prove the truth, even when the lying spouse is accusing them of false charges.
One of the most common false charges for a spouse to bring up against another spouse during the divorce experience is domestic violence, and due to how easy it can be for the accusing spouse to get an order of protection on the accused spouse, it is an issue that must be disproven in court if the accused spouse has any hope of gaining ground in the divorce process.
The easiest way to defeat false charges of domestic violence is through pictures, text messages, or witnesses who can provide testimony that counter what the wife alleges, according to Cordell & Cordell attorney Anne C. Scipior.
“I think it’s important for guys to realize that any accusation of abuse can be a serious problem to overcome when custody and placement are at issue in a divorce,” Ms. Scipior said. “So it’s important to get on top of the accusation as soon as it is made.”
During the disproval process, the worst thing a guy can do while being falsely accused of abuse is get angry, according to Cordell & Cordell attorney Rebecca Nelson.
“An attorney can help prepare a defense, and if the guy remains calm, he will appear credible,” Ms. Nelson said. “Once his wife commits perjury, she loses credibility with the court, and the husband now has an advantage in all other claims, because the wife cannot be trusted as a witness.”
After the accusations have been disproven and the court can no longer trust the accusing spouse as a witness during the divorce proceedings, the accused spouse may look to bring up perjury charges.
Depending on the laws of the state, the falsely accused spouse may have to speak with the prosecutor’s office in the given jurisdiction and have an explanation and evidence ready before the statute of limitations runs out, according to a Cordell & Cordell attorney.
The dishonesty of hiding assets
Another form of dishonesty that can occur during the divorce process is hiding assets. The lies involving the amount of assets that one may have are fairly common in the divorce process and promote a level of ill will that no one needs during this already-difficult set of circumstances.
Whether assets are being hidden in precious metals, savings bonds, bitcoins, or through some other means, it is never the answer and can set a divorce or child custody case back even further, making the hider the untrustworthy party in the proceedings.
In his book, “The 10 Stupidest Mistakes Men Make When Facing Divorce: And How to Avoid Them,” Co-Founder and Principal Partner of Cordell & Cordell Joseph E. Cordell talks about a former client who sold a lot of stock when he realized that a divorce was on the horizon and failed to disclose all of his accounts.
The wife’s lawyer hired financial consultants to go through the books and found almost everything, except for a couple of offshore accounts. Mr. Cordell asked his client if what the wife’s consultants found was everything and the client said yes.
A settlement was reached, approved by the court, and the case was closed. Six months later, a statement from one of the offshore investment houses came to the client’s former address. The ex-wife handed it to her lawyer, who handed it to the financial consultants. They tracked the statement back to the account, busting the ex-husband.
The ex-wife petitioned reopening the case, and the settlement decree was altered, giving the ex-wife an additional $100,000 plus her attorney fees in reopening the case.
These types of lies can be detrimental to a divorce case, but carrying that level of dishonesty beyond the divorce into future relationships can be a damaging behavioral pattern. It can affect child support, parenting plans, and even future relationships.
If a former spouse took the time to lie to you and forge a culture of dishonesty in your former marriage, it is important for you to find a partner who values honesty, and it is equally as important for you not to adopt those bad habits in your future relationship.