Gentlemen, going through divorce is emotionally wrenching, especially when children are involved.
In many instances, the loss associated with divorce elicits emotions similar to those experienced when losing a loved one to death. Emotional healing takes time, and divorced men often need their own space and time to grieve the loss of their marriage.
A common mistake men make when coming out of a divorce is to believe they need to jump into another committed relationship. Recently divorced or separated men should avoid jumping into another committed relationship until they have extensively dated and learn to understand what kind of woman they need and how to identify that woman.
Divorced men are particularly vulnerable to traps that women set, and identifying and avoiding such traps are essential to developing healthy relationships. I have recently published a new book, “How to Grow and Master Your Relationships: 13 Steps for Men,” that serves as a companion to divorced men, helping them build wonderful relationships built on a solid foundation of love and trust.
In the 13 Steps, I discuss the rise in popularity of electronic dating sites that help men meet potential dating partners. When divorced men are ready to engage in dating, electronic dating sites can provide significant benefits, including bringing together a community of millions of people accompanied by search tools to help identify compatibility.
The most active users of online dating sites range in from 30-50 years old. The most active online daters are 40-year-old males. They are most typically divorced, have children and have busy careers.
When using dating sites, men should recognize that the attributes most important to women are:
- financial status
- educational level
- age, and
Essentially women prefer tall older men who are well-educated and have a good income. When preparing a profile of themselves to post on a dating site, men should highlight those attributes that will help them stand out.
Men with previous marital experience are preferred to men with no marital experience. Although it appears counterintuitive, older divorced or separated men are the most marketable in the online dating world.
Only very basic screening criteria should be used when searching for a potential dating partner. The basic screening should include:
- range in age,
- distance from you,
- availability of a photo (physical appearance is the most important criterion for men),
- religion (if that is important), and
- race (if that is important).
If you use too many screening criteria, you will end up winnowing out many potential good matches.
The most successful online dating encounters are between couples who spend a considerable amount of time communicating online or by phone without too much intimacy prior to meeting in person.
Once you have found an engaging woman you would like to meet in person, be sure to meet in a public place. You cannot go wrong meeting for coffee, dinner or drinks. The online world is crawling with nefarious people, and meeting in a public place provides a degree of protection.
It can be a wonderful experience for divorced men to re-enter the dating world and experience excitement, warmth, and intimacy that was missing from marriage. Be sure to take your time and understand your relationship needs to find the right woman for you.
Anthony Servadio holds bachelor, master, and PhD degrees in Science and Engineering. He served the military as a naval reserve officer for more than 10 years, has traveled the world and has been a professional educator for over 20 years. Anthony resides in Virginia.
Mat Camp is a former Lexicon Services Online Editor, who focused on providing a comprehensive look into all aspects of the divorce experience. On MensDivorce.com, he concentrated on issues, such as parenting time, custodial rights, mediation, the division of assets, and so much more.
Mr. Camp used the wealth of experience of Cordell & Cordell attorneys to bring tangible answers to reader questions in Ask a Lawyer articles, as well as offer a step by step process through the divorce experience with Cordell & Cordell Co-Founder and Principal Partner Joseph E. Cordell in Divorce 101: A Guide for Men.
Mr. Camp used thorough research to highlight the challenging reality that those who go through divorce or child custody issues face. He helped foster the continued success of the Men’s Divorce Survival Guide, the Men’s Divorce Podcast, and the Men’s Divorce YouTube series “Attorney Bites.”